Deathtrap and other thrills

 

(With the one and only Michelle Holmes as Helga)

Ok, my four loyal readers...I'm back.  I'm in a show!  Word of my retirement has been greatly exaggerated.  

When last you saw your broken anti-hero/friend, he was in a bad place.  Limping into the sunset after his final season with Shakespeare by the Sea.  He couldn't face the last two performances in San Pedro because he had been held at gunpoint and beaten there, sending him headlong into Post Traumatic Stress and Depression.  I'm sorry it was such a cliffhanger.  It wasn't fun on this end either.  After months of beurocracy and being in the worker's comp system, I finally did get some help.  I'm in therapy and on some meds, and I am beginning to feel like myself again.  Literally just yesterday when I had dinner with my bestie Steph and I was (dare I say) happy and carefree.  I wasn't hyper-vigilant scanning the crowd for threats.  I was happily eating tacos with one of my best friends, while we failed terribly in a trivia contest that we weren't aware was happening and catching up.  I can honestly say it was one of the best nights I've had this year.  So, yay!

But let's rewind.  I was really spiraling after the attack, wondering what I was doing with my life.  Giving everything to theatre and not only getting nothing in return, but getting attacked and thinking I was going to die.  My other bestie, Tara, sent me a casting notice for Deathtrap at ICT. I noticed that Jamie Torcellini was directing, and I had briefly worked with him in the first incarnation of Almost Maine that rehearsed until the pandemic shutdown.  I adored him, and so I decided to submit a self-tape. But like all self-tapes sent into the ether, I immediately let it go and expected nothing.  I was also at a point where I didn't think good things were going to happen for me, nor did I think I deserved good things.  But a couple weeks later I got the lovliest email from Richie at Michael Donovan Casting that I wasn't going to be called back because I booked the role from the audition.  This is the kind of email you treasure as an actor.  It means the director looked at the tapes and said--well, nobody is going to top that!  

The problem was, I was still a bit of a mess and slightly concerned that I would not be up to showing up at night by the time tech and performances rolled around.  See, I have some fear-based thinking that is keeping me from going out much at night, or being in crowds, or parking lots, or around people.  Fortunately, I was cast in a supporting role because I didn't know if I could carry the bulk of a play at that time.  Plus I was excited to work with Jamie, on this play that I love so much (I stage managed it at the Las Cruces Community Theatre when I was 17, and I directed it in summer stock when I was 21 in Raton New Mexico).  It is such a beautifully constructed thriller.  

I couldn't have picked a better project to go back to if I had scripted it myself.  Not only has it been great to reconnect with Jamie, but I have wanted to work at ICT for a long time.  I always love the shows they do there, and caryn desai is such a lovely and kind artistic director that you can't help but want to meet her on that level.  And the cast and crew are simply wonderful.  They are all so talented, but more than that, everybody really likes one another and cares for one another.  I am usually very lucky in that I am part of productions that are positive, but this is a whole different level.  These people are angels.  All of them.  If this summer was darkness, this experience is all light.  I know this sounds all airy-fairy, but from the first read through to performances, it's been special.  I'm only sad that we have less than two weeks to go.

But back to the therapy thing.  I have a Psych, who perscribes the meds and a talk therapist I have a phone call with every week.  I have had a lot of bad luck with therapy in the past, so it took something like this to make me even consider trying it again, but it has been quite beneficial.  I'm on effexor which is a SNRI.  I was a bit worried about the side-effects.  Especially the sexual ones.  That may sound crass, but I was on an SSRI for a couple months years ago, and I felt like I was completely without passion, which for an artist is death.  I've sort of worked my way through that, and I won't get graphic, but I'm feeling myself (don't chuckle, I didn't mean it that way). The other side effects have subsided.  I recently upped my dose from 37.5 to 75 mg a day.  I think this has already started to pay dividends, as evidenced by my great night with Steph and trivia last night.  Also, I really like my talk therapist, he gives me tangible things I can do to stop thoughts I don't want and also always drops some wisdom that hits me just right.  Suffice it to say, I don't think all shrinks are charlatans any longer.

Deathtrap is wow-ing audiences.  Standing (or partially standing) ovations every night.  It's been long enough since the movie came out that most people don't know the twists and turns this play takes and it's so fun to hear the audience gasp and scream.

I also did the fight choreography for the show.  I am really proud of what we have created.  It's safe, cool, surprising, and tells a story.  That's always the goal for me as a fight guy.  I get to work with these wonderful people in a different way, and they were so game!  This is one of those times when I actually got to say:  "I'm really good at something."  And that something is making stage violence.  Fight choreographers will understand what I'm talking about when I say this was "the one."  The one where I had a director and a cast who trusted me to make the fights.  The one where I had actors who were game and could move well.  The one where what we created was better than what was written on the page.  The one where the audience lost their breath.  I've made a lot of cool fights in my years, but I don't know that I've ever made better ones that these.  

Thanks for stopping by.  I'm climbing out of my hole and I know there is still a lot of work to do, but I'm doing everything I can to be the best father, friend, husband, and artist I can be.  I've never shied away from the work (unless it was learning foreign languages) and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to regain all of myself.